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RELIGION MISC

(9 gags)

1)
What's green, and pink, and purple, and orange, and black?
A nigger dressed for church!

2)
What's the biggest problem for an atheist?
They have no one to talk to when they reach an orgasm!

3)
Two bishops were discussing the decline of morals in the modern world. "I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married," said one clergyman self-righteously. "Did you?"
"I don't know," said the other. "What was her name?"

4)
Three Irish women were passing the time of day on the street corner which just happened to be opposite the local whorehouse. And when the rabbi went in the door, there was a great clucking of tongues. Next to enter was the Episcopal minister. "Can you believe it?" said one woman to the others. "The state of the clergy today is positively disgraceful."
Last to enter was Father Flanigan.
"Ahh," said the women, "she must be very sick!"

5)
One day a priest ran into a pub to escape from a sudden downpour of rain and found one of the members of his congregation staring miserably into his pint of beer.
"Hello Brian," said the priest, "What's wrong?"
"It's my grandfather," replied Brian, "He has just died."
"Well that's a shame," said the priest, "and after recently taking him to Lourdes to see if God the almighty could find it in his heart to cure him of illness!"
"That's true father," said Brian,"We all had a collection at the pub to send him to Lourdes, but after only an hour he collapsed and died."
"Well," said the priest, "God moves in mysterious ways!"
"Well I'm not sure about God moving in a mysterious way." said Brian, "I think it was more likely the speed of the cricket ball when it hit grandad's head!"

6)
What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog seller?
Make me one with everything!

7)
One day the Viking God, Thor, was having a drink with Odin, King of the Gods.
"You know," said Thor, "it's brilliant being a god but the only down side is that I havn't had sex with a woman for nearly a thousand years."
Odin took pity on Thor and said, "Go to earth, O Thor and find thyself there what they call a lady of the night. Treat her to your manly pleasures."
So Thor went down to earth and wasn't seen for a whole night. Late in the morning Thor appeared again in front of Odin.
"My lord," said Thor, "it was wonderful. We had passionate sex 37 times!"
"37 times?" exclaimed Odin, "That poor woman. You must return to earth and apologize to her!"
So the great Thor returned to the whorehouse and walked up to the woman.
"I am sorry about last night," he said, "But you see, I'm Thor!"
"You're Thor?" replied the whore, "What about me? I can't even pith!"

8)
One day three men arrived at a monastery to join the holy order. A stern looking monk then gave them all a lecture about the privations of monastic life and then led them to a small room, explaining that there was a preliminary test before they could be accepted.
Ordering the men to strip naked, he tied a little bell to each of their penises and then left the room.
The next person to enter the room was a gorgeous naked woman, and suddenly without warning one of the bells began tinkling loudly.
The naked woman just started to leave the room when the guilty man walked forward and said, "Please, Please give me another chance."
So the naked girl agreed and left the room. A few minutes later the girl entered the room again and sure enough the bell started tinkling again.
This time the woman left the room and the monk entered glaring at the man.
"I am sorry," said the monk sternly, "but you are clearly not suited to being a part of our monastic order!"
Totally crushed, the guilty man bent down to pick his clothes up and the two other bells went off!

9)
What was the first thing that Adam said to Eve?
"Stand back! I'm not sure how big this thing gets!"