Morticom hilarious and obscene dead baby jokes
Morticom
Shop
Enter the weirdest, funniest and most outrageous Shop Here! If You DARE!
DEAD BABIES
(88 gags)
1)
What's brown and furry and sits in the corner?
A dead baby covered in Funnelwebs!
2)
What's the difference between a ball bearing and a dead baby?
You can't load ball bearings onto the back of a truck with a pitchfork!
3)
How do you bring up kids in Africa?
Kick a lion in the stomach!
4)
What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
Ripping it back off!
5)
What's more fun than spinning a dead baby on a washing line?
Stopping it with a cricket bat!
6)
What's the definition of fun?
Playing fetch with a pit bull using a dead baby!
7)
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room.
A baby that has been playing with a chainsaw!
8)
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a baby!
9)
What's more fun than kicking a baby to death?
Kick-starting it back to life!
10)
What's red and white and squirms in the corner?
A baby playing with razor blades!
11)
What's red and it's mouth gets bigger and bigger?
A baby chewing razor blades!
12)
What's more fun than shitting in a baby's mouth?
Watching the little bastard eat it!
13)
What's brown and tastes like apples?
Baby shit!
14)
Did you hear about the little boy who came running into the house covered
in blood?
He went running to his mum saying, "Mummy, mummy, you were right! babies
do have soft spots on their heads!"
15)
What's more fun than running a baby over in your car?
Scraping it off the tyres!
16)
What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
You can't fuck a rock!
17)
What do you get if you kick a baby to death?
An orgasm!
18)
What's more fun than clubbing a Harp Seal?
Shooting a baby with a nail gun!
19)
What's more fun than taking your new-born out for a meal?
Having your new-born for a meal!
20)
What's charred, black and smells really bad?
A baby playing with a blow torch!
21)
What's red and white and goes at speeds of up to 40mph?
A baby in a blender!
22)
What is brown and keeps it's juices in?
A baby in an oven bag!
23)
What's pink and goes red with a "SNAP!"
A baby in a bear trap!
24)
What is bright blue, pink and sizzles?
A baby trying to breast feed from a bare electrical wire!
25)
"How did you blow that tyre George?"
"Oh, I ran over a baby bottle in the street!"
"Well, didn't you see it?"
"No, the damn kid had it under his coat!"
26)
What do you call twin abortions in a bucket?
Blood brothers!
27)
What do you do with four dead babies and a sheet of glass?
Make a coffee table!
28)
What's more fun than a dead baby in an art class?
Pinning it up on the bulletin board!
29)
What is red and crawls up a lady's leg?
A homesick abortion!
30)
How do you tell the age of a dead baby?
Cut off its head and count the rings!
31)
How do stop a baby from looking up at you with that cute little baby face
and gurgling happily with that little baby mouth and waving at you with those
cute little fingers and little baby toes?
Gouge it's eyes out!
32)
What is blue and yellow and is found at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with slashed floaties!
33)
What's blue and knocks on glass?
A baby in a fish tank!
34)
What's more fun than putting 20 babies in a bucket?
Putting one baby into 20 buckets!
35)
What's 18 inches long, cold and stiff and makes women scream?
Cot death!
36)
How do you stop a gay baby from crying?
Put the damn dummy back in it's arse!
37)
What's the difference between a baby and a bagel?
You can put a bagel in a toaster. You have to put a baby into an oven!
38)
How do you get ten dead babies into a Tupperware bowl?
Use a blender!
39)
What is pink and with the flick of a switch goes black?
A baby playing with a powerpoint!
40)
How do you load a pile of dead babies onto a truck?
With pitchforks!
41)
How do you load a pile of live babies onto a truck?
Again with a pitchfork!
42)
What's red, sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller?
A baby combing it's head with a potato peeler!
43)
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
To get his bait!
44)
How is a baby like a grape?
They both give a little whine when you squish them!
45)
What's red and white and is spread all over the lawn?
A baby run over by a lawnmower!
46)
What is pink and red and silver and walks into walls?
A baby with forks in it's eyes!
47)
What's the difference between white babies and black babies?
About 10 minutes in a microwave!
48)
What was the baby doing on the wall?
Playing darts. It was the dart board!
49)
What was the dead baby doing on the table?
It was a pin cushion!
50)
What is red and has a million holes in it?
A dead baby on a bed of nails!
51)
What is more fun than stapling dead babies to walls?
Pulling them off!
52)
What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag!
53)
What goes Plop,Plop,Fizz?
Two babies being dropped in an acid bath!
54)
What is the worst part about being a test tube baby?
You know that your dad is a wanker!
55)
What do you do when your baby dies on thanksgiving day?
Stuff your turkey with it!
56)
What's pink, charred, bloody and blind?
A baby with needles in it's eyes trying to get its favourite toy out of the
fireplace!
57)
What cries a lot and goes round in circles?
A baby with one foot nailed to the floor!
58)
How do you find the live baby in a truck full of dead ones?
Pitchfork all of them!
59)
What's the definition of pain?
Sliding a baby down a 10ft razor blade into a pool of pure alcohol!
60)
What's more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?
Catching it with a pitchfork!
61)
What do you need to stop a Jewish baby from crying?
Zyklon B!
62)
What's better than tying dead babies to your bumper and crashing?
Tying them to your wheels and skidding!
63)
Why should you put a baby in a blender first?
To see the expression on it's face!
64)
Why couldn't the baby turn around in the hallway?
Because it had a javelin through it's head!
65)
How do you stop a baby from falling down a manhole?
Stick a javelin through it's head!
66)
What's red and goes around and around?
A baby in a garbage disposal!
67)
What's grey and goes around and around?
A baby in a cement mixer!
68)
How do you get 4 dead babies into a shoebox?
With a meat grinder!
69)
How do you get a dead baby out of a tree?
Give a Mexican a stick and tell him its a piñata!
70)
Why does the husband always bring boiling water during a birth?
Because if the baby is dead then they can make soup!
71)
What's red and swings back and forth?
A baby on a meat hook!
72)
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
As many as it takes to pile them high enough to reach the lightbulb!
73)
What do you call a dead baby on a stick?
A shish kebabie!
74)
What do you call a baby on a stick without any kidneys?
A doner kebabie!
75)
What's pink and spits?
A baby in a frying Pan!
76)
How do you know if an elephant has been in a baby pram?
By the footprint on the baby's head!
77)
What's red and screams?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt!
78)
Why is it cool to be a test tube baby?
Because you get a womb with a view!
79)
What's more fun than finding a baby in a dustbin?
Finding a dustbin in a dead baby!
80)
Why do babies have a weak spot in the top of their skull?
So if there is a fire in the hospital the nurses can carry them out six at
a time!
81)
What does a cannibal call a baby in a pram?
Meals on wheels!
82)
What is the definition of anticipation?
A cannibal waiting by the rubbish bin outside the abortion clinic!
83)
Why are test tube babies the most beautiful ones?
Because they are hand made!
84)
What's a good Christmas present for a dead baby?
A dead puppy!
85)
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken!
86)
What is red and hangs around in trees?
A baby that was hit by a snow thrower!
87)
What's more fun than a barrel full of dead babies?
Sticking pins in their eyes!
88)
How do you spoil a dead baby?
Leave it out in the sun!