Morticom hilarious and obscene Chinese jokes


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CHINESE JOKES

(18 gags)

1)
Why can't Chinese couples have caucasian babies?
Because two Wongs don't make a White!

(©Morticom.com 03/02/2002)

2)
Where do you find 1 billion Chinese jokes?
In China of course!

3)
What do you call a Chinese 69?
Two Can Chew!

4)
A primary school teacher told her pupils that if they could answer the question given to them, then they could go to lunch early. She asked little Mary in the front row, "What did you do at morning break, Mary?"
Mary replied that she had played in the sand pit.
"OK, Mary," said the teacher, "If you can spell sand for me then you can go." So Mary spelt out "S-A-N-D".
and off she went.
Then she asked Johnny, "What did you do at morning break, Johnny?" Johnny replied that he had also been playing in the sandpit. So the teacher said, "If you can spell pit for me then you can go as well." So Johnny spelt out "P-I-T" and took off as well.
There was a little Chinese boy, standing at the back of the room and she said to him, "Ho Chi Min, what did you do at morning break?" Ho Chi Min replied that he had wanted to play in the sandpit, but the other kids wouldn't let him, so the teacher said, "Okay, Ho Chi Min, if you can spell racial prejudice for me then you can go to lunch as well."

5)
How do you get 59 Chinese into a VW Beetle? Use a blender!
How do you get them out again? With Corn chips!

6)
Why would the world have been a better place if Adam And Eve had been Chinese?
Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple!

7)
Have you heard about the new Chinese cookbook?
100 ways to wok your dog!

8)
What do you do if you see a chinaman drowning?
Throw his wife and his kids in!

9)
Confucius say, "Blonde who fly upside down have crack up!"

10)
What's the difference between a chinaman and a jap?
A chinaman is urine yellow and a jap is vomit yellow!

11)
A chinaman arranges for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undress, climb into bed, and go at it.
When finished, the chinaman jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out of the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and commences a repeat performance.
The hooker is impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished the chinaman jumps up, runs over to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed, climbs out the other side, jumps back into bed with the hooker and begins to fuck her again.
The hooker is amazed as this sequence is repeated four more times. During the fifth encore, she decides to try it herself. So when they are done, she jumps up, goes to the window, takes a deep breath, dives under the bed.........and finds four chinamen hiding!

12)
A Jew and a Chinaman were in a bar together, The Jew brought up the subject of Pearl Harbour, reprimanding the Chinaman for the disgraceful role his country had played. He protested vehemently, pointing out that the raid had been mad by the Japanese.
"Japanese, Chinese, they are all the same to me!" said the Jew.
Pretty soon the Chinaman fellow started talking about the tragic sinking of the Titanic, asking the Jew if he didn't feel guilty about sinking it.
"Hey, wait a minute," replied the Jew, "The Jews didn't have anything to do with the Titanic sinking, it was an iceberg!"
"Iceberg, Goldberg," said the Chinaman, "They're all the same to me!"

13)
What do you get if you cross a Chinaman with a Mexican?
A car thief that can't drive!

14)
What do you call a Chinese homosexual?
Chew Man Chew!

15)
What do you call a fat chinaman?
A Chunk!

16)
One day a Chinese man walked into the travel agents and went to the exchange counter to change some money. He handed the cashier 10,000 yen. The woman then handed him back £70.
The following week, the Chinaman again walked into the travel agent and put another 10,000 yen on the counter, but this time the cashier only gave him £60 back.
"Why less this week?" asked the Chinaman.
"Fluctuations." replied the cashier.
The Chinese man stormed out of the travel agents but before slamming the door he shouted back at he cashier, "Well, Fluc you British too!"

17)
After not having sex for years, a woman begins to get more and more upset so she decided to seek help from an oriental sex therapist.
When she entered the examination room, Dr. Chan looked at her and said, "Take of your crows! Now 'get down on your hands and knees and craw velly, velly fast away from me to the other side of the room. Hokay, now turn aroun an craw velly, velly fast back to me."
The woman did exactly as she was told and Dr Wang walked to his desk shaking his head.
"Ah," said Dr Wang, "You have vey bad probrem. You are suffering from Ed Zachary disease! The worse case I have ever seen! That why you not have dates. That why you not have sex!"
"But doctor," replied the woman, "What is Ed Zachary disease?"
Dr Wang replied, "It's when your face rook Ed Zachary like your ass!"

18)
What does a chinaman do when he has an erection?
He votes!